Tell us what you want

I can think of people I know about whom I have no clue what they like, what they enjoy. I don't know how they'd like things to be. I just know what they hate. Negativity is a symptom of fear. Criticizing, blaming, spotting the issues, raising the problems, badmouthing are the easy way. It takes no courage, you assume no risk. That's why you feel so comforted when you do it. You are expressing yourself, which means that you are establishing a connection with the group, which you desperately need, but you want no risk of rejection.

You wrap your fears in a different dress: sharpness. Only clever guys spot flaws and therefore criticizing raises your worth as the smart guy. WRONG. Anyone can do that. All of us do, actually. You are not smarter. You are as scared as the rest of us. That's why we nod when you do it. We don't even agree, the truth is that we don't really care actually, but we don't make the effort to oppose because we risk standing for something against the majority and that takes balls.

You are not to blame for it. It's our primal brain doing its work. Belonging is a core need and you did not get enough reassurance to find it the hard way, standing for something. It takes a good stock of self esteem to relate to the group the hard way: leading. Actually you feel now some opposition to that term because its presumptuous. Who am I to lead? To stand out? Leading does not equal to stand out. It equals to stand with. It just seems cocky because it is scarce. And it is scarce because you fear it.

Criticizing weakens you. It shows your issues, your lack of self steem. Everybody agrees with the critic but nobody likes one. We are lying to you, because we are scared too. Beware of building up your sense of belonging in the foundations of those lies. Only leaders belong.

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